Happy Thanksgiving!

It's been a long time since I lived in close proximity to any family, but there's nothing nicer than that during the holiday season. As I type this post, I'm in the warm and buzzing living room of my dad's farmhouse, along with his wit, his best friend, and my brother and his girlfriend. There's fresh fallen deep poofy sparkling snow, the glow of lamplight, a football game and the smell of dozens of edible things being prepared to feast on. The dogs and cats are in our midst, making sure they are not overlooked in the cheerful gathering. I miss my mom and rest of the extended family, but am so happy she is where she is! 
I literally can't wait to ride again. The thought of taking 5 days off is unappealing, but I know I need a mental and physical reset. So I'll take this time to regroup, strategize and come back swinging next week. I will be starting training double time, with much exciting news there, but more about that later! Tonight is about being thankful for the abundance of love and support and good things I've encountered throughout my life. So, Kick back, relax, fill your minds and hearts with cheer and dig in! I'll leave you all with this bit of Turkey Day humor:

HOW TO COOK A TURKEY:

Step 1) Buy a turkey
Step 2) Have a glass of wine
Step 3) Stuff turkey
Step 4) Have a glass of wine
Step 5) Put turkey in oven
Step 6) Relax and have a glass of wine
Step 7) Turk the bastey
Step 8) Wine of glass another get
Step 9) Hunt for meat thermometer
Step 10) Glass yourself another pour of wine
Step 11) Bake the wine for 4 hours
Step 12) Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13) Tet the sable
Step 14) Grab another wottle of bine
Step 15) Turk the carvey!


Thank you all for taking an interest in what I have to say. Wishing you all a wonderful holiday season and lots of love!

Making Cranberry Juice

God help the folks in the world who were not blessed with a sense of humor.
I haven't led what you'd call an easy life. I've had a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, and when I hit the downs, the only way I can get through is by laughing at the absurdity  of life. I will never forget my very dearest friend's wise advice during one of my stressful spells: she said to me, with an absolutely deadpan face, "When life gives you lemons, you make cranberry juice and surprise the F-*#! out of the world!" 
Well, that incidentally surprised the F-*#! out of ME, and took me so off guard it caused immediate giggles. I quite like that idea. I've never been a follower, more of an oddball, march to my own drum type..so making cranberry juice out of lemons appealed to me just fine.

When I first regained consciousness in the hospital after having a stroke, I hated everything. I was so sad. I felt that it was pointless to have survived at all. I could no longer move, the thing I loved over anything else in the world. Me, the pint sized athlete who never walked anywhere, but instead danced, bounced, sprinted, flitted, who loved to climb into the tip tip top of the tallest trees around, the one who could outrun all the boys in my age group, took 3 types of dance, karate, gymnastics, and swam for days in the summer time, was now reduced to a lump in a wheelchair. I couldn't walk more than a few steps without exhaustion (or tripping) I needed canes, wheelchair, leg braces. I was embarrassed to be what I'd become. I lost nearly all the friends I'd been close to prior to the accident. I hated seeing myself. For a longer time than I care to admit, I wished I hadn't pulled through. 
It's painful to recall these memories, many of which are deep beneath the surface but still haunt my subconscious at times. I think of the trauma I put my family through and it still brings tears. It was so so long ago but somehow it's still like yesterday. I am absolutely certain that my family is what saved me. The amount of love and support they gave (still give)..well, let's just say, I couldn't leave them. 
Things are infinitely different now, but there's still the little girl inside who feels like she lost herself.
Horses brought back my light. Slowly at first, because in the beginning, when riding was physical therapy, I resented the fact that I couldn't do what I'd done before in the saddle. But that feeling is what then propelled me to change myself. I didn't like who I was, so a fire ignited in me to make myself into someone I DID want to be. It's been a wearisome path, but the struggle is what makes humans feel alive. Facing death, facing a tragedy as huge as what I did, sweetens the good parts of life far beyond what the average person experiences. I honestly think that going through that loss makes me appreciate positive things to a heightened extreme, and everything that I overcome becomes a source of self esteem. 
I've been in a low swing for a couple weeks now. I'm under an astronomical amount of pressure to acquire a new horse in time to compete with the team this winter in Wellington, and the time has come down to the wire. I've all but stopped sleeping, which of course messes with your sanity. 
I've always been a bit dramatic. I don't do shades of gray, I don't do things by halves, I have a voracious life force that causes me to be extremely passionate. About EVERYTHING. Which is why I can come across as high strung, or anxious. Honestly, I just feel things more acutely than most people. And that is why, I just have to keep thinking of those cremons (lemonberries?) and keep surprising the  F-*#! out of the world!!  Also, the off color jokes that constantly fly around the barn do wonders to lift the spirits.

And now the song is stuck in my head...

P.S. My friend Hannah at the barn, who is deathly afraid of fish..(???) got upset today when I said something about tuna. As she walked by, I said, "It's not my fault you have FISHSUES!!!!!"
And solidified the fact that I am a comic genius.

PLUG IN

One of my previous coach's favorite phrases when teaching was, "plug in." It was what she would tell us when we needed to sit deeper into the horse, or when there was too much daylight between our butts and the saddles. It is an odd thing to say and made us all giggle, but man that lesson really sunk in today.
Enter Ringo, Le Crazy Bucking Bronco of the Century!
It started out like a normal day. Brendan had another lesson going on so I was doing my own thing whilst he taught the other student and kept half an eye on me. Ringo didn't feel off or ornery, and I started out to the right lead canter. Things immediately took a certain turn when the thoroughbred let out a buck and squeal, and the situation escalated quickly. I ignored the naughty behavior, calmly insisted he get back under control, and revisited the issue. We had several of what I think are the best canter transitions that I've ever had on this horse, with the result being the most uphill and collected right lead I've had. Then, Ringo proceeded to lurch his head down and swing it around, equal and absolutely take off on a bucking spree. 
I mean rodeo status. We went up, we went down, we spun and had all 4 feet off the ground, we grunted and kicked and made piggy squeals. Ultimate horse tantrum. He was most decidedly trying to launch me into the stratosphere. Without doubt, the nuttiest meltdown I've ever had the pleasure of riding. I think I counted at least 6 bucks in a row with crow hops, half rears and head swinging in between, and guess what?

I. Stayed. On. 

I lost count after about 5 of these

I'm telling you it was like being in a trance. I literally just sat there, plugged into his saddle, not even the SLIGHTEST imbalance. I could have put mascara on if I'd had some. My heart rate didn't even change. We just went merrily bucking and ripping around the perimeter of the arena (Brendan all agog and trying to figure out where he should stand to catch me) And I sat there and may as well have done the royal wave. I somehow even managed to avoid all 5 jumps set up without crashing or jumping. Controlled chaos at it's best. 

Lady Boss.

When I'd regained control, the mother of the other girl riding was just staring at me and said "My god I can't believe you stayed on. Are you O.K?!" I just shrugged my thanks and rode on, back to right lead canter. 

Unfortunately, it seems Ringo may have reached the end of his dressage career. Brendan had me quit early, not because he was worried about my safety but because apparently what caused this explosion seems to have been pain. Oddly enough I didn't feel the slightest offness in the horse (and I'm EXTREMELY sensitive to lameness) but Brendan and the other spectators informed me that Ringo was SEVERELY short in the right hind, and it looked to be stifle related. I felt quite badly that I didn't feel his pain, but I am exceedingly proud that I remained utterly calm and unflappable during the episode. I was more amused than anything, and I never once thought to punish the horse. So I walked him and sent him back to his stall. Brendan said I'll ride him tomorrow and have someone watch from the ground to see what he looks like, and we'll decide then what to do. I really hope he's not lame and it's just soreness from work that can be rested off and alleviated! I don't see how the riding I've put on him thus far could have done damage, we've been very lenient and only working on bare basics. Poor guy! No wonder he wanted to send me to China. 

Honestly though, today was phenomenal for me because I found out I am not only a tight enough rider to sit through a rodeo show but that I'm no longer afraid of bucking! One year ago, a bucking horse would put me in tears, ready to bail, absolutely quit. Today I nearly laughed. It didn't bother me even a tiny bit. And that, my friends, is huge! So thanks Cyndy, for making me plug in my butt. (To the saddle). It clearly works! 

Balance is the key to life. And riding. 

Know When to Ask for Help

Ringo, our resident OTTB, has been a total butt lately. 

Well, not a TOTAL one, to be fair. But mostly. Gone is the eager fellow who really tried to do things my way, and in his place is a pretzel-horse with the mentality of a cranky old man who does anything he can to get out of proper work. 

Such is the horse life. 

We've reached a level of training now where I demand a certain level of cooperation, and Ringo has decided that the hard work and resulting sore muscles really isn't his cup of tea. The good thing is I know this is a phase that happens with all green horses as there training progresses. Another good thing is, he's reached a fitness level that allows me to ride seriously for up to nearly a hour without me worrying he's going to keel over. 
Here's our issue: to the right, the horse has become quite balanced and even soft through his back. He no longer hauls along on the forehand, but pushes from the back and can even do the very beginnings of collection. He will canter straight and easily for as long as I want. We're starting 10m circles and counter flexion etc, and it's pretty cool. To the left however, Ringo is completely unbalanced and really needs extra support to hold him up on the inside, and of course, the left is MY weak side so we're ultimately SOL there. 
Yesterday's ride was not going all too well and the blowing off my left leg was starting to get to me. I needed to out smart the horse, since my leg wasn't going to magically get all the strength back to hold him up. So, I regrouped, and got Brian to put me on the lunge. He literally did NOTHING except stand there holding the line and the whip, while I did the work. But what it did was take away Ringo's ability to grab the bit and run off, and just the presence of Brian there gave Ringo the reminder to stay out on the circle instead of cut in on me. Then I could actually get him to focus on cleaning up trot/canter transitions without fighting him and getting frustrated. I drilled him for probably 8-10 transitions, asking in different spots on the circle, until he stopped being braced. Then I got Brian to let me loose and I tried it without the ground support. It worked! Ringo forgot about twisting to the outside and fighting against my left leg, and actually gave me a pretty decent, pretty straight circle of canter. That was all he needed to do to be done for the day, so we ended on a good note after a long week of crap rides. Coach went out of town midweek so I trained by myself on Thursday and Friday.
On a better note, Brendan gave me what might be the highest compliment he's given thus far. He was cooling out his stallion and chatting with me about his rides with Danish Olympian Lars Peterson (I'm so peanut butter and jealous!!), and we were talking again about the importance of being fearless in the saddle. He gave me a sideways glance and said, "trust me, if you weren't (a brave rider) I guarantee you wouldn't be here." 
Yes, yes, we've established that I'm unafraid but can you just start telling me how GOOD I am???

Just kidding, I'll take it! 

Setting the Record Straight

I thought it would be a good idea to explain the difference between para dressage and therapeutic riding. Oftentimes, the two are referred to interchangeable, but nothing could be further from the truth.

For many many years, horses have been admired for their ability to improve the human emotional well-being. Horses have LITERALLY been scientifically proven to improve human ailments-anything from depression, anxiety, autism and other behavioral conditions, to physically rehabbing injured people. They truly are magical beings. For this reason, hippotherapy (or therapeutic riding) was developed.  When I was first recovering from my head injury, a physical therapist suggested that I begin riding again to improve my strength. Funnily enough, the gaits of a horse (walk especially) follow the same motion as a human's gaits, and thus can help rehab people with physical disabilities. Especially someone who has little control in the lower body. When I sat on a horse, even though I was not able to control my left leg walking on the ground, the horse's walk forced my body to move properly, and it is largely due to my immersion in riding that I am as fit and mobile as I am today. Horses are often used to assist stroke patients with physical therapy. Most of the time, it involves a team of qualified personnel on the ground guiding the horse and ensuring that the rider stay in the saddle. 

Now, ParaDressage is a high performance international sport. The prefix "para" simply means "parallel to able bodied." It is an event in the Paralympics, (completely separate from Special Olympics) in which athletes are graded according to their level of impairment (not the level of riding skill, unfortunately) so that competition henceforth is on equal playing field. 
Paradressage is an FEI level of dressage, just like upper level in the able-bodied circuit. The movements are not as difficult as the ones in PSG-Grand Prix, but the degree of difficulty is as hard. The tests in paradressage range from 30-40 moves each, and consist of extreme technicality and odd patterns to amp up the difficulty. 
There are 5 grades in paradressage, going from Ia, Ib, II,III,IV. Classification can be a murky area. grade Ia is most impaired, and soeone with quadriplegia or someone totally blind may be found in this grade. These tests are walk only. Grade IV is for the least impaired rider; someone with a missing limb or certain degenerative diseases may be here. The hardest movements in this grade are simple lead changes and half pass. Now, I have a hard time with this personally, because your grade does not reflect your level of skill. It is simply determined with a set of tests reflecting the amount of physical difficulty you have with coordination. It does not reflect the way you are able to compensate while mounted. I was recently downgraded from a grade III to a II, which is walk/trot only. The tests are still tricky, but there is no collective work or lateral work, and honestly, for myself, canter is my best gait simply because it is the easiest for me to make a horse round at a canter. Not to mention, my seat is quite good, and canter shows that off. The reason for the downgrade is because the classifiers felt I didn't have adequate hip control. It's annoying, but there's nothing I can do, except own that walk/trot in the competition ring! Luckily we can do some canter in our freestyles. 

This girl always puts a smile on my face

So, I hope that clears up some confusion surrounding the paradresage sport. 
Happily, we para riders can still compete in the able bodied circuit. Most judges are very accommodating and will allow us to use whatever gear we need in order to get through a test. I fully intend to get into that able body FEI ring in the next couple years. It will be harder, yes, but I am 100% confident that I'll be able to get there. I've already learned flying changes, canter half pass and started pirouettes, so I'm coming for it! Now, off to ride. 

Taking Matters Into My Own Hands

Today Coach had a hectic schedule and so he left me to it to ride Ringo solo. We had such a successful day yesterday I guess he saw it as time to prove my skill and step up to the plate. I was happy to do it, and felt confident with my plan. 
All went accordingly, except one tiny little detail, which is that my left foot has to be secured in my stirrup because I'm not coordinated enough to weight my heel on that side to keep the foot in the stirrup.  We use a rubber band that is figure 8'd underneath the stirrup and back over my toes, and it works great. Extra incentive to not fall off! (Although I'm quite sure the rubber band would break should I fall). Anyway, the woman who helps groom for Brendan, Ana, is a wonderful help but English is her second language, and I utterly failed at communicating with her clearly on how to secure my foot. So no sooner had I begun to warm up than my foot came out of the stirrup and there I was with no way to regroup.  Therefore, I decided to work on my sitting trot. 

When sitting trot, your body position must
be perfectly balanced on the horse's back 

Funny how circumstance often dictates the game plan in my sport. I removed my right foot and focused on short trot/walk transitions at the sitting trot. I improved quickly, and as soon as I became unstable I'd down-tran.  I initially planned on focusing mostly on transitions, as I really felt the difference in ride ability when Brendan has me work those. The one-stirrup fiasco only helped up the ante. So, sit trot it was, and I honestly felt pretty tight in the saddle after about 20 minutes of it. Still keeping in mind I also incorporate many circles of different sizes and changes in direction. I'm really starting to feel Ringo submit his toppline. He's far more limber and supple, and less braced in the neck. He's starting to carry himself and stay straight and balanced. 
The first canter set was really good. I started to the left lead, with one stirrup, and it was as nice as yesterday's. The second transition was crap. So I decided it was time for an intervention. The next time Ringo grabbed the bit from me and ignored my half-halt and decided to run, things got a bit ugly. I had to let him know it wasn't acceptable to me that he pull my arm out, so I gave an abrupt and sharp yank (only one), which made him toss his head, but ultimately sit on his butt. I felt bad afterward because obviously this maneuver is not pleasant for the horse. However, I made sure to immediately back off when he reacted, and reward him with a 0pat and a "good boy" when he then sharpened his transition to trot and walk. I only had to do that about 3 times before he got the message and quit pulling through me. Then we revisited the canter in both directions and he was successful in staying balanced and off his forehand for longer. 
The key here is that these tough lessons will help the horse in the long run. It is far better to make one quick point and then forgive/forget so the horse can be saved from a lifetime of hands constantly pulling on their mouth and ultimately becoming dull or hard-mouthed. 
Riding sometimes isn't pretty! 
I always have the gut reaction of guilt when I cause the animal discomfort, but the trick is to be fair, which means to release immediately, and then reassure when they give the correct answer. 
Brendan asked about my ride later on, and I told him about the "discussion we had, to which he agreed that I did the right thing. 
You gotta do what you gotta do. 
I aso noticed that after my ride, Ringo seemed much more respectful of me and as though he was looking for guidance from me. Standing in the wash rack he neither tried to bite me, nor cocked a hoof in my direction. I also caught him gazing after me when I went out the door to return my tack. I think he's starting to bond with me! 
After B finished his day we all (the barn crew) went to a local bar to celebrate his birthday. great company and many laughs concluded this productive Tuesday. Tomorrow Brian will ride the thoroughbred, his first ride since being gone for a week, so, although I'll miss my ride, I look forward to watching the improvements from the ground!

Fearless

When we start up again after a green horse (or any for that matter) has had off four days in a row, we expect a certain level of antics from the horse in question. Especially after all the struggles of last week. Imagine my surprise then, when Ringo gave me arguably our best ride yet. 
Mentally, Ringo was a bit snarky. He has an annoying habit of grabbing the bit and yanking your hands, and his little monkey brain was always thinking of how to spin out on me (it's his favorite maneuver, but I no longer put up with it). But PHYSICALLY, as Brendan pointed out, he was like a different horse. When B pointed out Ringo's attitude, I actually disagreed with him because I was so focused and pleased on the quality of the lesson that I didn't notice the rude behavior. Plus Ringo's "attitude"  just pales in comparison to some other horses I've ridden..*cough cough*
Anyway, the thoroughbred was neither stiff nor running on the forehand. 
Let me explain something: horses are said to be built in thirds. The forehand is made up of head/neck/shoulders, the second third is the barrel and back (from behind front legs to before back legs) and the last third is the haunches or hindquarters and back legs. It is also logical then, that the forehand is most heavily loaded, carrying about 70% of a horse's weight as the neck etc makes up quite a lot of their weight.

when on the forehand it appears that the horse is traveling downhill.

 In dressage, we are ultimately asking our horses to shift all that excess weight, including that of the rider, to bear on his hindquarters. In this position the horse then can elevate his front end and move freely and lightly through the shoulder which gives the appearance that he is buoyant and dancing.

it's easy to see that this horse's weight is shifted back, and he is "sitting" on the haunches
which gives the appearance of moving uphill

So, since Ringo is a thoroughbred who used to race, he is accustomed (and built) to load his front end and careen around. This is no fault of his own, but no fun for either of us. Today Ringo really sharpened up on our down transitions (trot to walk was the worst last week). We use transitions to redistribute the horse's weight backward and rebalance them. They are starting to work. His canter departs were actually starting to be uphill, instead of running into them, and the canter-trots were less falling on his face and more waiting for me. Brendan and I were very pleased! 
Brendan's tidbit of brilliance today was that generally horses give us 3-4 really awesome rides when we are first paired with them, followed by a period of 5-8 or so rides that are truly awful, which are lastly followed by a truer representation of progress and strengths/weaknesses. I'd say this was very accurate as I can remember the exact same thing happening with Clever. A short, sweet "honeymoon," followed by, "what the heck am I doing?!" followed by, "oh right, this is why I love this sport." So I guess we could say we're right on track! Ringo was also much less crooked, much more inclined to give through his back and flex slightly. I had the first several canter sets today where I was able to just sit there and look pretty while giving with my hand and pushing him forward slightly. There's LITERALLY no better feeling than having that kind of easy, relaxed forward canter where your butt is just glued in the saddle and you're just enjoying the breeze!
The other awesome part about today was that coach mentioned a possible horse for me to compete with short term as a lease for backup until I'm able to find my next true equine partner. He described the mare as a solid 70% 4th level horse, close to Prix St. Georges, who the previous rider just can't handle. He said it's a very fancy horse, but needs a more competent rider, and I'M the one he thought of. He said the horse can be a bully unless the rider is confident enough to insist that she do what is asked. I am so psyched that I've reached that level with Brendan. I told him I thought she sounded like a great option, and I was glad that he didn't find me to be a "timid rider," to which he replied, "no way. Not AT ALL." 

A rider must be two things if they ever wish to achieve greatness: Brave, and fair.