Tuesday, January 14, 2014

"Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory."

It is not under these circumstances that I had the intention to update, but I do feel compelled write today. It is with a very heavy heart that I write about my love for a man who passed away last weekend. 
I met Cody Dylan Paul my first year living in Los Angeles when I was eighteen. He was attending university in Arizona and had taken a roadtrip to LA with several friends. I was completely starstruck upon first meeting him. He had a dazzling smile, and all-American good looks that lit up any room he entered. It was like looking at the sun. Cody was used to, but unpretentious about, being the center of attention. He loved it, and he shared the spotlight happily. He made you feel as if you were the MVP of his world. Like you were the only one who mattered. He made you feel like your life was invaluable. Needless to say, I was immediately smitten (who could resist?!) and I was thrilled to know I had his interest. 
It seemed fate had plans for us when he informed me his family owned a lakehouse in Maine only half an hour from my mom's house. We got together in the summer of 2007 when he and his best friend Mike invited me and my friend Ashley to spend some time with them at the cabin. Well, at that point I was dead gone over him. 
Having his affection was thrilling. He had this gravity about him and everyone-I mean EVERYONE that met him wanted to know him more. I kinda felt like a celebrity in his presence. Our time together was short, but I am honest in saying that I fell in love with him that summer. I would challenge any girl in my shoes to try not to fall for him. He had the heart of a lion, strong, warm, loyal, protective. And so fun. One of his most admirable qualities was the ability to make you FEEL every moment of life. He was passionate about music. His taste ranged from hip hop to metal and it would seem his life was a series of songs. He had this rhythm that no one else could quite touch. 
We didn't see each other again after that for nearly seven years. We'd be in touch now and then via FaceBook, but I never got over him. He just had something about him that even in silence he made you feel like a star. I can't describe it accurately, but I've never met another person with that quality. 
I am so very blessed to have reconnected with Cody last summer. In july he visited the lakehouse again and when we saw each other it was clear that feelings had grown in our distance. He told me that he had never forgotten the time we shared, and that "if we still had [feelings] after seven years, he was pretty sure they'd never go away." I feel so grateful to have had the connection we shared, even over so short a time. 
Cody's life ended very unexpectedly three nights ago. I do not have words to express my shock and sadness. I do not wish to go into detail, as I prefer to focus on the love and light he brought to the world. His happiness and generosity was spread far and wide. His was an open-door policy, and he'd make a best friend out of the person he sat next to on a flight. And that person would know they were loved and appreciated forever after. The one regret I hold is that I did not tell him how in love with him I was (am) when I had the chance. He did tell me he loved me several weeks ago, saying he'd "regret not having said it if anything should happen to him." Well, we all obviously need to take a leaf out of Cody's book. Let this lesson be learned: we must tell those we love how much they mean to us, and not hesitate, as life is short and unpredictable. I hope this story reaches far, because Cody deserves to be remembered and talked about forever. Everyone lucky enough to have been part of his life know that he is one of the best people in the world, and his presence will go far beyond this lifetime. Please, I ask anyone who reads this, send loving thoughts to his parents, who've lost their only child, and to the thousands of hearts who are hurting over this tragedy. And Cody-if you're watching me write this, know that I LOVE YOU and will do for as long as I'm here. Say hi to my beloved Granny Kitty, who I know would be utterly charmed by you. And may the music be loud and unstoppable wherever you are. RIP Cody, the world lost a great one but heaven gained a rockstar. xoxoxoxoxoxo <3