"Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory."

It is not under these circumstances that I had the intention to update, but I do feel compelled write today. It is with a very heavy heart that I write about my love for a man who passed away last weekend. 
I met Cody Dylan Paul my first year living in Los Angeles when I was eighteen. He was attending university in Arizona and had taken a roadtrip to LA with several friends. I was completely starstruck upon first meeting him. He had a dazzling smile, and all-American good looks that lit up any room he entered. It was like looking at the sun. Cody was used to, but unpretentious about, being the center of attention. He loved it, and he shared the spotlight happily. He made you feel as if you were the MVP of his world. Like you were the only one who mattered. He made you feel like your life was invaluable. Needless to say, I was immediately smitten (who could resist?!) and I was thrilled to know I had his interest. 
It seemed fate had plans for us when he informed me his family owned a lakehouse in Maine only half an hour from my mom's house. We got together in the summer of 2007 when he and his best friend Mike invited me and my friend Ashley to spend some time with them at the cabin. Well, at that point I was dead gone over him. 
Having his affection was thrilling. He had this gravity about him and everyone-I mean EVERYONE that met him wanted to know him more. I kinda felt like a celebrity in his presence. Our time together was short, but I am honest in saying that I fell in love with him that summer. I would challenge any girl in my shoes to try not to fall for him. He had the heart of a lion, strong, warm, loyal, protective. And so fun. One of his most admirable qualities was the ability to make you FEEL every moment of life. He was passionate about music. His taste ranged from hip hop to metal and it would seem his life was a series of songs. He had this rhythm that no one else could quite touch. 
We didn't see each other again after that for nearly seven years. We'd be in touch now and then via FaceBook, but I never got over him. He just had something about him that even in silence he made you feel like a star. I can't describe it accurately, but I've never met another person with that quality. 
I am so very blessed to have reconnected with Cody last summer. In july he visited the lakehouse again and when we saw each other it was clear that feelings had grown in our distance. He told me that he had never forgotten the time we shared, and that "if we still had [feelings] after seven years, he was pretty sure they'd never go away." I feel so grateful to have had the connection we shared, even over so short a time. 
Cody's life ended very unexpectedly three nights ago. I do not have words to express my shock and sadness. I do not wish to go into detail, as I prefer to focus on the love and light he brought to the world. His happiness and generosity was spread far and wide. His was an open-door policy, and he'd make a best friend out of the person he sat next to on a flight. And that person would know they were loved and appreciated forever after. The one regret I hold is that I did not tell him how in love with him I was (am) when I had the chance. He did tell me he loved me several weeks ago, saying he'd "regret not having said it if anything should happen to him." Well, we all obviously need to take a leaf out of Cody's book. Let this lesson be learned: we must tell those we love how much they mean to us, and not hesitate, as life is short and unpredictable. I hope this story reaches far, because Cody deserves to be remembered and talked about forever. Everyone lucky enough to have been part of his life know that he is one of the best people in the world, and his presence will go far beyond this lifetime. Please, I ask anyone who reads this, send loving thoughts to his parents, who've lost their only child, and to the thousands of hearts who are hurting over this tragedy. And Cody-if you're watching me write this, know that I LOVE YOU and will do for as long as I'm here. Say hi to my beloved Granny Kitty, who I know would be utterly charmed by you. And may the music be loud and unstoppable wherever you are. RIP Cody, the world lost a great one but heaven gained a rockstar. xoxoxoxoxoxo <3

a reality check

It took over a week to drive to Maine from LA. This is partly because I took the extended route through Texas in order to pay a visit to my first horse, Sneezie, who is retired there on an amazing ranch close to Dallas called Camp Rusk. It is opperated by John Gammon, a very nice southern gentleman who runs his ranch in such a manner that keeps all the horses in impeccable shape, and very happy. Sneezie was certainly looking very well-he is king of his designated herd, and no other horse is fool enough to challenge this. He has a good 200 pounds on any other equine in his family I'd say!

Over all it was a fun but sometimes grueling road trip..roughly 4,000 miles with the detour through Texas. We only got stopped once, by a cop who was clearly bored with his life and saw two young girls in a car with California plates, so he thought he'd give us a little scare to break up the monotony of his pointless existence. Poor fool. Other than that, and me scaring the daylights out of a hapless cleaning lady..(long story, and too embarrassing to post here)..our trip was pretty uneventful. We made a stop to see the king in Graceland, saw Nashville and Shenandoah Valley, along with other cool landmarks. We tried strange food, and stepped on the Texarcana state line, brought my fiendish feline into every restaurant we stopped at (without contestation), and took some fun candid pictures. 

Now is where it gets interesting. Obviously the whole point of me moving back to New England was for my lovely mare, Clever-MY horse for real! and my first ride on her since being here happened on Thursday. Now, forgive my naivety in thinking our instant connection from last month's clinic would still be there when I rode her this time! Boy there's really nothing like a horse (especially a Clever one) to bring you down a few notches and keep you humble! I wouldn't say it was a disastrous ride; but she certainly gave me a run for my money. She decided my attempts to steer with a bridged rein were not going to work for her..so we had quite a few runouts and beelines to the gate, that little devil! Her previous owner was instructing me while she rode as well, and after awhile Clever behaved better.

My second ride on Friday was slightly worse. What's more, We had Olympic trainer/rider Dottie Morkis teaching us, and I can say i was quite embarrassed by my seemingly complete lack of knowledge in what I was doing. I found it fairly difficult not to get completely frustrated; but somehow kept my sense of humor. Although Dottie must have been way less than impressed, she was still very encouraging and had lots of good tips for me. I will continue to train with her weekly, and I have high hopes that Clever and I will be back on the same page in short time. 

Now, aside from my stung pride and feeling of insult from a horse who less than a month ago gladly gave me the world the first time riding her, I am suffering from the pressure of a very big recognized show that I am expected to be ready for..and that takes place in one month. As if it's not enough to feel like my horse is over me, I must learn and perfect a Grade 3 test in less than 30 days, which means moves that I have very little experience with and proving that I'm not an idiot for thinking I am good enough to have taken this risk. Surprisingly enough, despite my first 2 less than wonderful rides, I still think I can do well. Dottie is a big part of that confidence; when I asked her, rather sheepishly, whether she could have me ready to show at the HITS Saugerties show in NY in a month, she replied with utmost confidence and no hesitation, "of course." She also said that I must be prepared to work very hard..which I'd planned on already, so it was nice to be assured like that. Anyway, bootcamp has begun. My schedule is to be riding every single day, at least from now until Saugerties, and when I'm not in the barn, I am expected to be in the gym. On top of that, my diet is being closely monitored with high protein and extreme hydration. Welcome folks, to my real Olympic journey. It all starts with bootcamp! If all goes as expected I will compete in Long Island at the huge Saugerties show in one month. Wish us luck!

a gold sparkle and leopard trim flymask depicts the diva's personality perfectly!

crazy, exciting LIFE

WELL everybody, it's happened-I have acquired an FEI level horse (for REAL!!) and made the move back across the country for said horse, in order to take my shot in the competitive para sport. Now, as my best friend Jayme told me, "some people move across country for a man, Elle, but nothing short of a horse could move you." 

the face that moved me 4000 miles

Truer words were never spoken. And what a mare she is! I gushed about her in the last post, but as i'm sure my readers will agree, having a horse (MY HORSE!) to gush about warrants, well, gushing. My Clever girl is a beauty unparalleled...strong backed and proud, correctly built; a super sport horse. her Hanoverian lines evident in her flashy moves and muscled neck.

a never-before tried shoulder-in

 The touch of Thoroughbred in her dam's side gives her that extra fire which promises both the thrill of unpredictability and superior athleticism. Her great-great? granddam on the dam's side was the Hall-of Fame TB Ballycor. She was one of the top event horses the wold has ever seen, one of 9 eventers in the USEA hall of fame..and it shows in Clever's abilities. She herself was the number 2 eventer at her level in the nation several years ago. Anyway, now you have an idea of the ride i've been blessed with..and the reason to forsake the Gold coast and return to my rather gloomier origins. totally worth it! 

super forward canter

I drove across the country in 9 days with one of my best friends..and we had quite an adventure. We traveled roughly 1200 miles out of our way to Dallas in order to pay a visit to my first horse, now retired..it was a lovely visit and i'm thrilled to pieces that he remembered me!! we passed through the southern route and stopped in several memorable places, including Flagstaff, Texarcana and Memphis; where Jayme fulfilled one of her bucketlist items by popping into the home of the King, Graceland. making our way up the eastern seaboard was very scenic, we went through NYC and Boston, and finally, 4,000+ miles later, we arrived safely (surprise) in Belfast, ME. that's where i am now, as it drizzles outside, and my mom sits by the window knitting. It's quite a change, and i already miss SoCal; but it's the start of a very exciting new chapter and i cannot wait to set up a training schedule with the fantastic Cleverness!!

A New Chapter

Good Lord. 
Well, first off, an apology to those out there who've been expecting my next post. I do hope I haven't lost you! A combination of events in my life, too numerous to elaborate on, have prevented my updates. But, most importantly, my Internet has been down, so I plead technological inadequacy! I am sorry for taking so long. 
To give you all the general rundown since my last post, I will skim through some details that you might be curious about. When I left off I was gearing up for the CalNet show. Long story/weekend short, I bathed Ruby til she glowed in the dark, developed 3 raging saddle sore/blisters that nearly incapacitated me, almost died from heat overload in the 107 degree sun under my heavy black wool coat, got galloped away with in an equitation class (embarrassing) and won three blue ribbons and one red second place for my 4 classes. It was an exciting event; despite the nearly unbearable heat, all the riders from Ride On did spectacularly.  I was satisfied with my scores of 68.5% in my first test and 70.5% in my second; wasn't as high as I'd hoped, but decent enough. And Ruby was not happy that weekend; the show proved to be too much for her and she is on pasture rest for the foreseeable future. Poor high strung beast.

CALNET results :)

  
Now, the more interesting and thrilling news: I have found my competitive mount!!! I attended a USPEA/USEF training symposium in my home state of Maine, and fully expected to have a jam packed week of riding, lectures, lessons and networking. I never once suspected I would fall in love, and then ACQUIRE an international quality warmblood whilst I was there. 
Too many things happened that week (last week) to go into too much detail. It was a whirlwind of activity at Carlisle Academy. The Dutch "O" judge Hanneke Gerritsen was there, as well as the GB gold medal coach Clive Milkins, Olympic rider and trainer Catherine Haddad Staller and former USEF high performance dressage director Gil Merrick. There were countless other coaches, trainers, team members etc; so needless to say it was a jam packed weekend!
The highlight for me presened herself in the form of the most refined, beautiful, daintiest creature imaginable. Her name is Clever, a Hanoverian mare with a dash of Thoroughbred which gives her that touch of fire. She is immaculately put together, a smallish horse just shy of 16hh. She resembles a Breyer Horse, with her teacup nose, arched neck, foxy little ears and big doe eyes.

her beautiful head

 She stands square at all times, on 4 perfectly shaped small hooves. 3 socks with little black ermine spots around the coronary band. Her left hind is unmarked. A tiny star marks the center of her lovely face. This horse is a powerhouse. She may be petite, but she moves like a 17.2hh dressage horse. Huge flowy gaits, beautiful extension, a worldclass walk..she overtracks by a lot! Her back is strong and supple, a mark of diligent care and conditioning, coupled with the fact that she is an eventer, and crosstraining for horses, just as with humans, achieves the highest level of athleticism. Her coat is mahogany bay with subtle dapples. She stole my heart (and my mother's!) in a second. It's that instant connection that you find maybe 3 times in a lifetime. A recognition of a counterpart. 
When I mounted the first time, I was blown away by her easy movement, her sensitivity, and her ability to almost read my mind. We were performing moves I'd never tried before, flying changes, half passes, canter-halt, as if I'd been riding her for years. Her owner/breeder, Mary Jordan was generous enough to let me ride her during the entire clinic; and word spread like wildfire to each party about the match we made! 

Hanneke said "this horse, she wants to work for you."

To bring a very long story to a wonderfully happy ending, it so happened that Clever was put up for sale just before I met her, and the decision was made that it was an opportunity not to miss. So I am buying her, and must now put my utmost in raising the funds to complete the purchase. 
What this means for me is that I will be moving to the east coast once again so that I may train with more USPEA affiliates, and so that I may afford keeping my horse (my horse!) housed. I know I will be back in CA someday, but I had my shot handed to me, and now I am sure that I will be competing with the team for years to come!!! I am hoping and praying that the move goes smoothly and I am reunited with Ms. Clever in no time!

It's all uphill from here!

The feeling you get after a really good lesson is euphoric. It's kind of like riding a cloud. You and the horse are completely connected, giving to each other, communicating and growing together, which makes for such a smooth ride, you almost feel like you and your horse are one being. 

Riding gives you wings. 
I was back to riding Ms. Ruby this past week; Wednesday with Megan featured only Casey, Cali and myself in the lesson. We worked extensively on serpentines. First 3 loops in the arena and then 4. The main benefit from doing serpentines, and the whole reason to do them in training, is to get the horse bending correctly in each direction, and then to fluidly and easily switch the bend in just a couple strides. Basically, it limbers the horse up, and in dressage, we are always striving for a supple horse. Rigidness is not an option. Nor is it very comfortable, for horse or rider! Ruby started out on Wednesday in her general obstinate mood..unwilling to flex in either direction, but noticeably stiffer to the left. Surprise, surprise! She warmed up quickly though, and began to loosen up as we worked the 3-loop at the trot. Then Megan instructed us to canter each time we bent right..transitioning to trot as we changed the bend to the left through the centerline. It was a fun exercise; not so easy with 3 horses of completely different sizes all in a row..and it ended up with many added circles thrown in and breaks to the trot so we didn't cause a pile up. Most of the time it was me having to deviate from the conga line, as I was on the biggest (relatively speaking) horse. Anyway, we then added a 4th loop and then switched directions so we could canter in every  leftward bend. 
The biggest thing I noticed was that after the first few canter departs Ruby really got into it, and became very round and supple. We achieved really great bend in each direction; something that has been more difficult in the past. She eventually began anticipating the canter so I had to throw in some different maneuvers to keep her guessing. The best part was that every upward transition was very uphill and thus immensely comfortable. I was very happy with Wednesday's ride.

Yesterday's ride was even better! But I'll let you hear about that tomorrow. Happy trails!

just CruZin'

driving to the valley yesterday i expected i'd be paired with Ruby once more despite the success i had with the Irish Sporthorse Cruz on wednesday. it was already 92 degrees by the time i pulled into Ride On, and bright sunshine. one of the volunteers greeted me happily as i walked into the aisle, "hey Elle you're riding Cruz today!" I felt a flutter of anticipation and excitement as this meant that i'd have the chance to show both trainers that i am skilled enough to handle this big guy. Gloria, the co-founder of Ride On, looked a bit surprised and asked if i was indeed riding Cruz that day. she's used to seeing me on the mare, since that's who i've competed with. i assured her it was true, and i'd ridden him with good success on wednesday with megan. 

tacking this horse up is difficult for a person with both hands...and let me tell you, getting a saddle up to his back (which is slightly above my head) with one hand is no easy feat. luckily i am quite strong. i was already warm by the time i mounted!

right away, Brie told me to get Cruz marching forward instead of plodding along. it's imperative with a horse like that to get their attention straight away so you don't have to beg for it later. i bumped him with both spurs, one quick kick and he immediately perked up and nearly trotted off. then i quieted and allowed him to walk nicely forward into a frame. Brie was impressed (surprised?) at his responsiveness to me. really i don't see how everyone thinks he's such a lunk! as of yet i haven't experienced any laziness or obstinance from this boy!

we did the usual bending and counter bending each direction and then moved into the trot. at first we did 20 meters at A, E, B, and C to get our horses moving off our inside legs and bending around them, as well as on the bit and in a round frame. Cruz needed a couple wake up bumps to get a quality forward trot, but again Brie complimented the responsiveness i got out of him. 

it's interesting going between those 2, Ruby is easier to collect (in a sense) because she is smaller and more upright, where Cruise is a tank of a horse, very long and used to a jumper's frame (lower and more stretched out). Ruby is more sensitive (so they say) and Cruz makes you work to get what you want. this point however, i disagree with. for me i feel that Cruz is very sensitive, but not overly so. once he knew i meant business he didn't try at all to get out of doing work. Cruz is easier in the sense that he has more training and experience than Ruby, but over all they are just 2 completely different rides. this is great for me because one teaches me how to teach her, and the other teaches me by testing my own knowledge and conviction.

i really love Cruz's canter. it is very smooth and a huge stride..but cantering down the longside he doesn't pull like Ruby does. Ruby gets very strung out and nearly pulls my arm off at times (we're getting better) but Cruz is easier on my arm and shoulder. he likes to stretch out, but he's more of a leg workout than upper body workout! i have to really hold him together with my thighs to keep him collected. it's a really cool feeling to "jump him up into the bridle" and feel his hind end come up underneath. i guess he's just so big that every move feels monstrous! 

i actually had to break in the middle of my canterwork so someone could grab my a water. it was that hot and dry. i felt like i couldn't breathe! but then we continued on, and wrapped up at the canter with brie having me do 10m circles. this forces Cruz to be more upright and collected, and forces me to really use my body to steer him. it's hardest to the right lead when my lack of strength in my outside leg allows him to bow out through the left rein. i have to crank my right shoulder back (which is naturally pulled forward by only using my right hand on the reins) and be really serious about getting that circle accurate for Cruz to know what i mean. the first attempt ended up being more like a 6m circle (almost a pirouette! lol) and Brie said it was lucky that he was able to do it. i chalk it up to his showjumping days where he'd have to make some really tight turns. 

doing the 10m circles really did help his canter on the straight aways, he held himself more upright in a dressage frame and definitely listened to me more! all in all, it was another great ride; and i'm really excited at the prospect of growing more with him. we'll see when i am asked to ride the notorious Mambo! until then i'm enjoying the pair of chestnuts. complete opposites in every way, but equally helpful in my learning. 

new beginnings and big news!

well it's been an exciting week in the equestrian field! so much to update about. i'll start with Wednesday's lesson:

i got to the stable and was expecting to ride Ruby, but to my surprise and total excitement, i was paired with Cruz. now, i have been wanting to ride Cruz since i first saw him; when i started up again at Ride On after a hiatus from an injury. the hulking gelding caught my eye not only because of his height but his warm blood confirmation, which made it clear that he was well bred and a different caliber horse than most of the others there. Cruz is a 16.3hh Irish sporthorse; a showjumper in his former life and now retired to dressage. chestnut with lots of chrome. he's a pretty guy! anyway as i mentioned i'd been wanting to ride him for a long time, but hadn't been allowed due to his habits of spooking and acting too silly for his size! but that day, it was decided i be put to the test. 

using a 3 step mounting block, it was still a climb to get up on the gelding..but once i was on i immediately felt at ease. the girl who leases him had warned me earlier that he has the tendency to be lazy and not too responsive, which slightly dampened my excitement. if i need any quality in a horse, it's sensitivity and forwardness since i only have about 3/4 of my strength. however, i found that Cruz was perfectly forward, stiff from arthritis but no lazier than Ruby for instance. also, it was immediately apparent that Cruz knew more of what i was asking of him..his training was clear! he willingly got in a frame, and bent to both sides. the problem i experienced with him was he would run out with his left shoulder when we were tracking right..not because he was taking advantage of me but because he was unused to someone without the leg strength to stand him up and create that outside wall. i worked through that problem eventually. 

megan had us try shoulder-in down both longsides, and let me tell you, that needs a LOT of work. again, lack of strength in my left leg allows the horse to drift through that left rein, which made it hard for me to keep his shoulders off the track. we had moments of acceptable shoulder-in, but there's a long way to go. then we started canterwork; and having seen other students ride Cruz with some difficulty getting him to canter,i was not expecting an easy transition. Cruz surprised me. he very willingly went into canter going each direction; it's a very ground-covering canter! he was really nicely round for me in the canter, the problem here being that he likes to canter in a jumper frame (long and stretched out) rather than the more upright dressage frame. megan had me adjust my hand, holding the reins up higher off his neck, and told me to "jump him up into the bridle" by asking simultaneously for a bigger canter and more collection. by the end Cruz and i were mostly on the same page..and it was a complete blast riding him.

the climax of the lesson was during our cool-down. we were walking nicely past the corner by A, and there happened to be (God forbid!) a cat passing the corner. one second we were walking one way, and within the blink of an eye, a split second later with no recollection of what happdened, Cruz and i were on the FAR side of the arena, completely in the opposite direction, and a pending buck on the way. the cool part was my seat didn't even BUDGE, let alone fall off..i sat tighter than superglue, and kept him under control the entire time. it's moments like those that make you feel like an accomplished rider. also, 16.3 hands is great incentive to not fall off! can't wait til my next shot at riding him. 

the other very exciting news was i went to my favorite tack store LA SADDLERY in burbank to speak with Amanda about sponsorship possibilities. i expected to talk solely about the possibility of getting some dressage boots, but when i met her, she informed me that she knows an older woman with an upper level horse that she thought may be a good competition horse for me! he is a rare breed, Akhal-Teke stallion that is perlino colored (iridescent white) with blue eyes.

the blue eyes and exotic metallic coat of this horse make it an eye catcher!

 once i saw a picture i was sold. he is stunning, a shocking looking animal but looks like a piece of art! i was so touched by the gesture of the women at LA saddlery for giving me so much support and encouragement! i certainly wasn't expecting to get a lead on a horse i may be able to use!!

the akhal-teke

while we were discussing this FEI stallion, another woman approached me and inquired if i was searching for a horse. "yes, yes i am!" i replied! she proceeded to describe an I-1 schoolmsater she knew who was owned by a woman who is not looking to compete. she thought that a life as a paraequestrian mount would be a wonderful job for him, and offered to look into THAT possibility! again i was moved beyond words at the kindness of these women. it literally made my day to receive that generosity and support from the equestrian circuit here! 2 leads in one day...it was a brilliant day! 

https://www.facebook.com/LASaddlery

BEST tack shop, with the most helpful staff in the world!

the icing on the cake was learning that i will in fact be traveling to my home state of Maine in one month to attend a para equestrian clinic with a worldclass lineup of paradressage people. trainers, coaches, qualifiers, fellow riders etc will be present, along with Hope Hand (USPEA president) for an intensive 4 day paradressage bootcamp. I will be paired with a horse and riding along with 9 others, and i literally CAN'T WAIT!!! this will be a great chance for my parents to get involved as well, and see the things i am working on as a rider and paralympic hopeful. so the ball is really rolling now, and it's only going to get faster as i improve and meet more people! it's an extremely exciting time right now. will keep you posted on my ride tomorrw! xo